Happy Easter! As I have spent the day with my family and enjoying the beautiful Florida sunshine we are blessed with today- I have been thinking about what really makes our children joyful and happy. Is it the Russell Stover chocolate bunnies in their baskets and eggs they found around the backyard earlier this morning? Granted, chocolate can't hurt- but there is more to it.
We have heard it before and it is true: happiness comes from within us. We can attempt to seek it out there somewhere and play the "I will be happy when....(I get a pay raise, that new car, I lose that last ten pounds etc.)". If we are always waiting for something outside of us to make us happy, it will not be true lasting happiness.
Children in their natural state come into this world happy. Everything is new and wonderful. They take delight in little things and spend very little or no time regretting the past or fretting about the future. As parents and teachers and other caring adults in their world we have the opportunity to nurture their wonderful natural state they were born with. This is a goal worth striving for many reasons.
Children with high self esteem love themselves and are secure. They will grow up and be able to engage in healthy relationships. They will believe in themselves enough and create the lives they want.
In the classrooms and around the schools that I have worked at I really see a difference in how the children behave and feel about themselves depending on how adult staff members interact and treat them. If a student is frequently scolded, told not to talk throughout his day, and is frequently punished for misbehavior that student is likely going to: internalize this treatment and feel there is something wrong with him, feel angry, learn that what he thinks and what he has to say does not matter, learn to not trust adults, and more than likely become apathetic to learning and school.
On the other hand, if students are consistently "caught being good", given specific praise, asked questions and are listened to, and are trusted to be responsible and make good choices, the behavior in students is dramatically different. They come to school eager to learn because they know they are valued and respected members of our learning community.
For some of my students it does not matter how positive a learning environment I create in our classroom. These kids have it tough at home for a variety of reasons. So much of what children learn about the world and how people relate to each other is in the home.
Children watch and internalize what we do (more so than what we say). Conscious parenting takes a lot of effort because we must work on being the best people we can be so we can teach by good modeling. We adults are not perfect. The most gentle, loving, and centered people may lose their tempers from time to time. We may tell little white lies or complain about our finances, our spouses, or our overweight bodies. Little eyes and ears are watching and listening!
I am reminded of the classic poem "Children Learn What They Live" written in 1954 by Dorothy Law Nolte:
If children live with criticism, they learn to condemn.
If children live with hostility, they learn to fight.
If children live with fear, they learn to be apprehensive.
If children live with pity, they learn to feel sorry for themselves.
If children live with ridicule, they learn to feel guilty.
If children live with encouragement, they learn confidence.
If children live with tolerance, they learn patience.
If children live with praise, they learn appreciation.
If children live with acceptance, they learn to love.
If children live with approval, they learn to like themselves.
If children live with recognition, they learn it is good to have a goal.
If children live with sharing, they learn generosity.
If children live with honesty, they learn truthfulness.
If children live with fairness, they learn justice.
If children with kindness and consideration, they learn respect.
if children live with security, they learn to have faith in themselves and in those about them.
If children live with friendliness, they learn the world is a nice place in which to live.
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